Pilot

Someone wise once told me, "Stop being so afraid of what everyone thinks and do want you think you should do"

I never really thought I was scared of things or what people think of me until one day, I had one of those self reflecting days. I realise that the more grown-up I am, the more reserve I become. I know I am no longer the same free-spirited person I once was. The person who could speak my mind whenever I like without worrying about being judged, the person who laughs at the slightest jokes.. And then, I came to the conclusion, that this is what we call.. 'Growing Up'.

Why is it that we fear outcomes? 

Sometimes I also wonder, what exactly is my purpose in life? If God created humans to create other humans, then I guess God must have skipped me in the line. Because somehow, the main objective of why humans are created - to love one another - is not present in my life. Sure, I do love those around me. My parents, siblings, relatives, friends.. but there is still an empty void in my heart. One that is not filled, one that I am sure is the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle that will complete my life someday. 

In the mean time though, my hands are filled with all other things I know is important to shape the person I will become. One of which is the craziest decision I have ever made so far - probably can be equal to getting married in the future - to go to Nepal all alone. I must have been out of my head when I sent in the application to Volunteer Abroad.. 

It is however, confirmed. So no matter what reservations I have of it, no hot showers, no toilet flushes, Typhoid and riots in the streets, there is no backing out and no looking back. Part of me feels like I'm finally living the dream, something I should have done a year or two ago, and the other part of me is a total freaked out mess. I really am trying to make this journey as joyful as possible with those around me who have been helping me so much and supporting me I sometimes feel so helpless. Mummy and Grandma, first of all, thank you so much for even considering letting me go. I understand that it is difficult to even agree, what more I didnt even exactly ask for a permission but went ahead applying for this. The greatest love of all is truly this, knowing that you cant let go of your little girl, worrying for me day and night, but yet, you know this is what I want and you let it be. 

I now also understand how difficult fundraising can be.. So to all my friends, thank you so much. Words cannot describe how grateful I am for helping me, one way or another, giving me this opportunity to go out and see that part of the world.  

I really do fear the outcome of this trip. And I really do fear the process of it too. Naturally, I would want everything to be smooth sailing but I know it is impossible. Bumps and scratches are the essentials in moulding a person to become a beautiful 'sculpture'. And to weather them all in good and tough times are what determines an outcome..

So to everyone, myself and those whom I will be working with in Nepal, here's to what God is creating us for. Cheers!